We found a school for Caleb and Chloe that holds classes four hours a day, four days a week and it happens to be walking distance from where we moved. AMAZING.
Chaz went back to Notre Dame for the Vocational Program and already has a job at a law firm, stocking the drink stations and will be volunteering at Camp Summit as an assistant counselor in November! He calls me five times a day still, but he's so cheerful and full of confidence most of the time, well, except for the recent face plant into the air vent which garnered him a touchdown and two stitches, I look forward to hearing about his day.
I did not know how quickly I would have to get un-afaraid about Chaz's new life without me.
I did know, that it was time. No matter how many nightmares I had, I sucked it up and let him stand by the busy street to wait for the Dart Handi-Ride, BY HIMSELF and go to work a zillion miles in the air and only asked once who was responsible for making sure her gets evacuated in an emergency.
I did not know how much I would miss my two little kids the whole 16 hours they are away at school.
I did know I was in need of help with higher maths and sciences.
I didn't know how long homework would take them-forever. ( I still get to help a LOT!)
I did know they would work harder for someone who isn't their mom.
I did know they would make new friends.
I didn't know they would be of the opposite sex and they all might want to hang out somewhere public, without me, or any adult. (I don't know how I didn't know that. Straight up denial, I guess.)
I didn't know how much I'd enjoy making cookies and veggie trays and hot pastrami and cheeses and sweet tea right when they came home for lunch.
I do know that I am already mourning this part of the day, when they come home at noon with the stories of the moment and I sit on the other side of the counter, shove food towards them and listen. They still WANT to talk to me. Yay!
I know, I know. Everything changes. But changes are coming so fast lately my face is starting to twitch . . . . .again;) I am working hard to make my heart not beat so fast so I can still hear God whisper in my ear: Don't give up, It will be okay, I"M the rescuer, Be present, GO TO SLEEP!