Saturday, July 7, 2012

Midnight Survey and Morning Mercies

I'll admit that I was having a weird week. I was finally coming to the realization that I might not ever find my children's baby books after 8 to 10 boxes came up missing out of the shed they were stored in.
I was moving back and forth between rage and denial, staving off old-mean Tamitha with a denial teat, attempting to move slowly and deliberately, so nobody would be harmed in the search.
Blame crept it's way in craftily and took me all the way back to the burning of my own baby pictures in a BBQ pit- a vengeful act after a horrible argument between my parents.
"I have not been cared for properly, and that is why I can't care for my own things properly!"
I was an internal mess, trying desperately not to create an external disaster.
I have caused enough of those.
As a result of not being able to find something so precious, I began to notice my list of undones, unfinished.
And some words, uttered by various people over my lifetime echoed in my brain:
"You need to take care of your shit."
The spinning and toil commenced. At midnight, I sat down in front of the computer to delete emails, when I noticed a message from good old Bank of America asking me to comment on a recent phone interaction.
I have never given any person or institution such a low score, and when the time came to comment, which I usually skip, or put a winky face, I tore into their "puny, money-grubbing hearts" and thanked them for NOTHING!
It was not a shining moment and somewhere it is in print. I am sure the employee who reads it will think it mild, compared to some other strongly worded letters by those who have been grievously wronged, but still, I felt bad as soon as I sent it.
When I opened my eyes the next morning, the note popped into my head like a blurry dream. I pushed it away to start my day and didn't think of it again until I checked the mail, where there was a postcard revealing my own banking errorS, not just the one I had been charged for and realized, BOA had actually shown mercy, at least in this case.
And I had not.

Lamentations 3:22-23

22 It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.

23 They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.

Thank God. For real.

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